The Anguish Related To Having a Masters Degree You Cannot Put To Use

I have always wanted to be a nurse. I was told in psychology or sociology one of those ogies I was not fully developed as far as my childhood development was concerned. It was my Mom that debunked that when I came home crying that day. As she reminded me with her dry wit, if as I had said all my life that God wanted me to be a nurse, was I then going to believe a professor all of a sudden? That ended the tears but did not end the mental and emotional struggles that come with the trip of being a nurse. “Nursing and nurses can be detrimental to your health” should be stamped at the bottom of every diploma.

I’m joking; sort of…a little…sometimes…Ok a lot of times. There are things that must be taught in nursing school. Unfortunately, because of not being able to “do it all” instructors end up “teaching to the NCLEX” in order to

1) Get the nurses out in the work force

2) Increase their success rate, which in turn keeps them an accredited institution by the state board of nursing

3) To keep their own places as instructors

I know, very cut throat and unfair and puts young nurses in harm’s way, not to mention their patients. The answer, if anyone asked which no one has but I will answer anyway J is to return to the original concept of a nursing school. I can hear nurses my age and older start to groan…hear me out OK? I do not mean mop the floors but who of you has not mopped a floor or had hopper duty even in this modern techie age? I just feel that more hands on and more time in the classroom should be given. The only way to do that is to give students only one day off, Sunday for example, and keep them on campus and in the hospital or in the classroom the rest of the time. Even in the 1970’s it was expected that student nurses work on the weekend, good thing I did too or I would really have sunk! Even then it was not enough, student nurses were coddled, not shown all the aspects of nursing, then culture shock set in with graduation day! Perhaps it was because I went from candy striper to student nurse and did the bachelor track. Perhaps LPNs or nurse’s aides who then go on for their RN see things differently. I have only my situation as a basis of comparison.

I had my career mapped out, RN, then midwifery school. I told my Dad I would get my masters degree “later, much” he did not appreciate my humor, cannot for the life of me understand why not, it was just like his after all! However, with one eight-hour shift with RN after my name, everything shifted. Thank goodness for Kathy, the LPN on that high-risk labor and delivery floor. If it were not for her, I’m not sure I would have made it. She was my mentor, she was my skills instructor, and she was the best!  I stayed, I learned, I fell back in love with nursing and kept on going, from one type of nursing of another until 1995 when I started as a Home Health Nurse.

I had a Director of Nursing that knew how to manipulate her nurses and make them love it, make them do whatever she asked without realizing they were being manipulated. It was because of her that I sat for my certification exam by ANCC for Home Health. It was because of her that I went further, took the MAT, applied and was granted approval (on academic probation because my GPA as a BSN in the 70’s was in the dirt) for grad school. Ha, in fact three months after I got my masters, the Dean of the University sent me a congratulatory letter saying I was now off academic probation! Too funny, my GPA in grad school was 4.0!

I am very glad I did all of that. I am proud of the fact that I have my MSN, even if I was in my 50’s when I got it.

But…there’s always a but isn’t there? Since receiving my masters in Nursing Education, I have not been able to get a teaching position. NO, it is not because I give them my theory on how to run a nursing school at my interviews thank you very much! Geez you guys! Usually I get to the second or third interview and a younger RN or a Nurse Practitioner gets the position. I do great interviews also. I love to talk, I love to be on stage and my lectures with power point are loads of fun if I do say so myself.

It is difficult to keep on applying and going to interviews and being rejected. My Hubby and our Baby Girl say the same thing to me and I know they are right but…it does not make it any easier to live with feeling as if I have failed. They tell me “It’s a piece of paper that tells everyone else what we have always known, that you are a great nurse and a wonderful teacher!” My baby girl has always been very mature, very self reliant, just like her Dad, she says,

“Mom, haven’t you always taught every patient you have ever had? Haven’t you taught complete strangers in public for crying out loud and embarrassed the {expletive} out of me all of my life? You KNEW all that stuff about teaching BEFORE you ever went to grad school! GET OVER IT!”

She’s so mean, don’t you think?

She’s just one of my adults in training, would you like her?

For a Little while?

NO?

Good, I couldn’t be parted.

Both Baby Girl and Hubby are completely correct. I am taking this rejection stuff all wrong. If I am still a nurse, and a good one, if I instruct my patients still, if I am still asking my God to help me and lead me then what is wrong with me?

Pride.

There’s a reason it is a deadly sin. Not the hellfire stuff but the didactic tale stuff. The morale of the story part is to accept that I am in the Higher Power’s service for a reason and I am in service to others for a reason. Both reasons are the same. I want to help.

So, I will start my new job here in our heart home, Pima County, tomorrow with this burden set down, please, never to be touched by my hands again, at the feet of my Lord.

I feel better now, you guys. Thank you for listening to me.