I Cannot Let Them Take My Joy
69A Serious Down Time
No other thought than to be a nurse
No other need to study more
The joy was there in every face
In every gentle hug and
Serene expression
No other thought than to help
No other path to walk than the one
Laid out so long ago
But the path became impossible to find
Obstacles were all I could see
The anxiety grew, my fears increased,
I lost my faith.
Instead of being calm and finding the still, small voice
I raged and cried at the Higher Power
Unable to see that all of life is a test
I let the evil win.
But God is Love, He did not turn away
Even when I could see I was being
Nothing but a scared crybaby with the why me's
The Lord sent His words through Henrietta
Henrietta did not know what Power she had that night.
These are the words she said last night:
"I cried and I prayed.
I said, Lord, I will not let them take my joy away.
This is a spiritual attack, it is not personal
Evil does not want good, caring nurses in this home.
Evil wants us to run away but we must not let that happen
Our patient's deserve the good, gentle nurses.
So, let's pray, let's hold hand's right here and pray.
We will not let them take our joy away"
Those were Henrietta's words to me last night.
She was given those words by God.
There is no such thing as coincidence,
She could not have known of The Teekee dream
And the words "Enjoy life! Enjoy life!"
She didn't even know if her words would be accepted.
But say those words she did; and lifted me.
Thank you Lord for Henrietta.
I can begin.
Again.
Nurses
Stolen Joy
I have written about my days as a student nurse, my feelings on nursing professionalism, even written a couple of hubs on specific disease processes.
What I have not written are the lows of nursing. The burn out times. The things that happen, usually between co-workers or because of management that make you wonder, what am I doing here? Why am I allowing all this stress to damage my physical, emotional and mental well being?
I do not write about those times. Not Anymore.
Because I want to be a light.
I want to show that nursing is a dynamic, caring profession that is constantly changing, always improving. To show that nursing, above all, is about teaching other nursing professionals how to implement those changes for the greater good.
That is not easy to do if you are in a hostile environment. By hostile I mean that in some places, not all, not in all places, please let me make this clear. I honestly believe that what I have been experiencing in my little world for the past fifteen years is not the norm. I can support that statement by saying I have been a nurse since 1976 and have worked as a nurse in four states and in many different areas of nursing. I have never been under the amount of stress or been subjected to such backbiting, sadistic personalities in the nursing field as I have seen in this part of the country. The majority of the nursing staff who are performing the hands on care for their patients are not there because they are service oriented indiviuals. They are there for a paycheck. They do not want to help, they want to be given the easiest jobs, with the least amount of patients and with supervisors who will not direct, who will not check their work, who will leave them alone. Because if there is a supervisor that does these things, the repercussions are fierce and immediate. Repercussions that range from verbal warnings from administrators concerning that supervisors "professional attitude" and "tone of voice" to the supervisors tires found slashed on two separate occasions as well as sneers, laughter and mutters at the supervisors back while walking down the halls.
Even with that said, I have continued to advance my career; I have had many joyful days and more than my share of blessings. It should be enough, I keep telling myself to remember the good things, the loving words, the times that made me proud that I was there to help.
But some things must be documented, must be said, and must be publicized. Not to have a pity party but to see if anyone else out there has seen this same, shameful scenario and if so, do you have a solution?
I believe that Henrietta is one hundred percent correct. This is a spiritual attack and so saying it is a worthy fight to make a stand, to try and make a difference. Quitting would only mean that the evil could chalk up another victory.
So, please, nursing peers, help us, the nurses in my little part of the world, in our little nursing home. Pray for us at any rate. Write and pray if you are able. We need your insight.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
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I am coming back slowly wed is an interview for a job in home health I was afraidd to take months ago/she called me
pray for me please
How did things go on the interview and how are you? Email me let me know how you are getting on.
ok i will
I can so relate to this hub, Barbara, but ironically the situation I'm thinking of dates back to my very first job as a nurse when I worked the night shift in a nursing home (36 years ago). After a few weeks, I realized that every time 2 particular aids made their rounds, there was far too much moaning and commotion. I watched from the hallway and saw they were working fast and rough (not hitting, but rough) and verbally teasing the senile patients, apparantly deriving satisfaction out of getting a rise out of them. I warned the aids that I would report their behavior if it persisted and they said I was inexperienced and the patients would be agitated for anyone. I accompanied them on rounds the next night and had them watch me do the care. I spoke softly to the patients and each patient cooperated.
The aids said it was beginner's luck and it was unrealistic for me to expect them to treat patients that way, it would take far too much time. I said I would accompany them on rounds every night until they could do so on their own without me hearing moans and ridiculing laughter wafting down the hallways. For a week I followed their every move until they couldn't stand it anymore. They ended up walking out in the middle of a shift threatening to report ME to the director.
The remaining 2 aids (kind gentle souls) volunteered to double their patient load for the rest of the night and said that I'd been right to take a stand, that no other nurse had ever stood up to those two and it was about time somebody had! The DON backed me up and the 2 rough aids handed in their resignations.
Your dear, Henrietta, was so right. Good, gentle, caring nurses must band together, protect our patients, and get strength from each other.
Sometimes, though, if we've reported it to the proper chain of command (and if appropriate, other authorities) and we still haven't been backed up (I was so fortunate the DON did back me) then we must find another place to work or we'll burn-out or breakdown.
I worked in homecare for many years and most of my homecare aids were unbelieveably devoted to our patients, as were my fellow nurses and supervisors.
There are, perhaps, more nurses in the field today who are in it for the money and they may well be causing problems.
Because of the wonderful humor I've seen in your other hubs, I know you're okay, but I'm still going to pray for you. In fact, I'll pray for good nurses everywhere and also pray that those who are in it for the money move into a profession where they can earn money without collateral damage to patients.
And please take Henrietta's advice and don't let anyone steal your joy!
thank you Gail, it is difficult at times, in fact, the last twelve months have been the worst of my life
but I am better and I am working and back in home health and I do love it...despite the 3 different MDs who advised me over the last 6 yrs to "do something else" because of the stress
I hope I have finally found a management that will back me up...one of the things that is part of my clin sup duties is going on supervisory visits with the field nurses...and the corrections I am having to write up are stirring up some animosity
I keep waiting for the bus to roll over me as it has so often in the past/management wants the work done right but its easier to get another supervisor than it is to replace a field nurse thats doing 30-35 visits a week!
so keep on praying please, I am!! the older I get the harder it is to find work/they can say they dont discriminate based on age but please........
I am praying for you. I prayed for myself, too, a decade ago when I got burnt out in home health (long story-- threats to supervisor's life, my having to do home visits in high crime neighborhoods, managed care frustrations).
I did a lot of soul searching, got counseling and made major job, and life changes.
One of the hardest, but most effective things I learned was to make my own physical and mental health a top priority. I began to value the tremendous amount of skills I'd developed over the years and showcase those skills in my resume, speak of them in job interviews.
Hubby and I relocated to Delaware because we both enjoy the beaches and because the cost of living is much lower. I landed a really cool job with the state working for the Chronic Renal Disease Program, basically helping dialysis and transplant patients get medication and transportation services. No home visits, no supervisory responsibilities and "clients" who, for the most part, were grateful to be receiving life saving meds and transport. Sure there were stresses, but nothing like I had before.
I'm praying for you Barbara, as I did, and still do for myself.
wow we must be sisters in spirit for sure, starting in 2006 I had 3 MDs say get out of home health/MI, the whole gamit/threats to my life, harrassment from my manager, backstabbing, all that drama on top of the HMOs that do nothing but put our license' in jeopardy!!
got counseling/take my pills/stepped away from the edge and went back to my love/home health...still do not know if I can make it but I know it and I love it and I dearly love my patients/now I am a clin sup and in the office and get to use my masters to teach/so I keep on going and keep on praying
you my dear are much stronger than I/ the poor dialysis patients break my heart!!
I love that you are doing and caring for them!!
much love and prayers for and to you barbara b
Yes we are sisters in spirit. I commend you for getting your master's and it's good you're able to use it. Glad you have support to give you direction. Yes, the dialysis patients have a difficult life. I've completely retired so I don't have contact with them anymore. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Keep on writing, you do it so well and it's a great release.
thank you happiness, I have gotten the best of my therapy through writing and hubpages/hubbers are a wonderful support system
but my best support is with my husband, David and our daughter, katie Baby :) shes on the deans list at the culinary arts here in Tucson :) I dont know what or where Id be without them
love to you!! keep writing too I love your hubs!!
Boomer & RNMSN, surely by now you know you're both two of my fav writers on here. And, in reading your comments back and forth to one another, you're STILL nursing, lol! I'm referring to the encouragement to one another and .... nice, nice job, ladies. :)
And, though I believe the both of you probably deliever splendid nursing care, glad you're out of the anxiety and stress ladened side of the field.
RN, the opening of this hub, and sharing what your colleague shared with you ... that was beautiful, and I believe quite true.
I'm with you. No such thing as coincidence!
Loved the hub - great job!
My dear femmeflashpoint
Your words have brought me great hope this morning! Thank you so much! barbara b
maggs224 Level 4 Commenter 23 months ago
Way to go Barbara, don't let anyone or anything steal your joy or your peace. Step by step you're moving forward little by little you're gaining ground.